Just playing...

...dress-up.




That's what Danielle said one evening when I came home from a Relief Society meeting and found her twirling in the living room in one of her prom dresses.




...that's my D...




...smiling, singing, grooving to the music, dancing her way through life.




...that's my D...

Today, September 26th, is her 26th birthday.  It's just another reason for the Bush/Coil fam to celebrate, not that we really need an excuse to get together and eat and laugh.  But Dani is a great reason to have fun, because that has been her mantra since she was little, "Let's Party"! 

I remember a fishing trip we made to Montana.  She was five, just a little thing, but her energy was bigger than life.  Matthew took the kids on a very long bike ride in the mountains.  Dani was tired before the trip was over, but she never gave up.  Matthew told me when they got back that at one point he stopped, looked back at this little trooper, pedaling as hard as she could on her one speed princess bike, and wondered what was he thinking, making her ride that far?

Grandpa Coil commented that she complained a little, that's our Dani, you never have to wonder what she's thinking..... but she did it.  She conquered the mountain and probably kept the rest of them going by her example.

A few weeks before she had Logan, D. and I were at the mall.  We had been running like crazy, getting everything ready for the new baby.  At one point, Danielle turned and looked past me, blinked and then blinked again.  She put her hand to her face and in a frightened voice said,  "Mom, I can't see out of my left eye".

 We hugged and had a moment together, right there, mother and daughter, in Bath and Body Works, an ominous feeling and we both recognized another MS symptom had manifest itself.

....me and my D...

Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why do the ones with the strongest desire to really live sometimes have to fight so hard to stay alive?  

...and I ask myself...

...why my daughter...

...why my D...

I think one of the questions could be answered by looking back at that bike trip in Montana.  Because D. had the will to keep pedaling, she was teaching the others to keep pedaling.  When D. is tired, or her legs hurt, she will still bounce up the stairs to lift Cameron out of the crib or just to retrieve a book to read to Sammie.  She will come bouncing/rolling down the stairs again, probably not with real grace, but with true enthusiasm.  And when she lands at the bottom, she will stand up, dust herself off, put a smile on her face and say, "I'm OK, now let's party".

...that's my D!

I still sometimes look...

...outside to see if Andy's bike is on the front lawn, or his hat is hanging on the stair banister, or the Nintendo wires are running amok on the family room floor.  I still want to set a place for him at the dinner table and in the evening I just want to hear about his day. (my boys could always tell a good story)






...I'm not sure when it happened?  I'm not sure when he became an adult, responsible for adult things?

...but I do know if my 8 year old child was dying of a brain tumor, I would want someone with Christ-like compassion to tell me.


Love you more Andy!

I was reminded last week...

... of a really sweet time in my life.



I normally lay out my work clothes the night before, since I don't do my best thinking at 6 a.m. One evening, I opened my closet to get things ready for the next day. The forecast was for cooler weather, which meant I was heading to the back of the closet for the fall season section. I started pulling out wool skirts, long sleeve dresses and black jumpers, the wardrobe of a seminary teacher, well, a sister seminary teacher anyway.



Clothes that I had packed away at the end of the first year teaching seminary thinking I wouldn't be going back, but then I did.



Remember...?



It's kind of funny how life is just moving along to a certain rhythm and then a little drop of memory will seep in to the here-and-now and suddenly I am homesick for a time past that, when it was the present, may not have been as easy as my memory may recall.


...and then the same old worry starts, "did I do a good job", "did I make a difference", "did I please the Lord", and of course "I should have done more". The same thoughts parents have themselves hundreds of times while raising and even decades after raising their children.



It wasn't easy teaching seminary....



My kind and patient children and my kind and enduring husband will look at this picture and remember the rules:

1. NO PHONE CALLS ON THE HOUSE PHONE AFTER 9 PM

2. WHEN MOM PICKS UP HER SCRIPTURES, GOES TO HER ROOM, AND SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HER, THE PARTY IS OVER (EVEN THOUGH IT IS ONLY 6 PM)



...but they will never complain, because there is one more rule...


3. "...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (and we will do it with a smile on our face)

...no, not always easy, but so worth it.



...now back to the original thought (remember I can't tell a story without jumping around a little)



...and then I got up the next morning, put on the preselected clothes and headed off to work. Just a normal day, right? Except on this particular day I had a special visitor, an old friend, a joy in my life, Jill...





...I was busy, answering the phone, checking patients in, checking patients out, pulling charts, filing insurance claims and on, and on...


...and in walks sunshine, "Awesome" sunshine...smiling, searching for me, seeing me, and me seeing her and my heart flipped.


...I'm sure I won't be the best seminary teacher that Jill will ever have, but I will always be the most grateful for having Jill in my seminary class. I'm grateful for her smile at 6 a.m. grateful for her encouraging eyes at 6 a.m., grateful for the confidence she gave me...grateful for her friendship and love...even at 6 a.m.


...I had a lot of awesome seminary students, but there will always be something special about the "Awesome" Jill.

Playing with Madison and Abbie...

...is one of my favorite activities. My two little angels with the blond hair and blue eyes, picked a couple of their favorite flowers from my anniversary bouquet from Matthew (happy 34th to us) and then had fun posing. I love watching them try to be serious, because they end up laughing harder than if they would just go ahead and smile.

It was high noon and the sun was bright, so the pictures have some issues. But this wasn't about the pictures, it was about making them feel good about themselves, spending time with each other and with me.

I hope they always want to come for sleep overs. Fortunately, bribery still works quite well, promises of pizza, soda, pedicures and shopping keeps them coming back.

Years from now, perhaps at their wedding reception, one of these pictures will flash across a screen in a video and for a moment they will remember being little, having fun and being silly.

Perhaps they will remember how fun their childhood was, even though their dad was a long way from home for a long time.

Perhaps, even further down the road, one of their daughters will ask about the pictures and they will tell them how much their old Kansas grandma cherished them and loved spending time with them.

PS Just a little note to the dad of these 2 gorgeous girls...they are growing up too fast, hurry home to us Chris.