Thursday, January 13, 2011

It happened again

...last night.



My mother called my name, no, really she cried out for me, urgently, and I could hear the fear in her voice.  I tried to jump out of bed, but someone had tied the sheets around my ankles.  I struggled and struggled, kicking, my heart pounding and then she cried out again.



...and I start to cry.



Why would someone tie sheets around my ankles?  Why can't I stand up?  What's happening?  I have to get to her.  She needs me.



Matthew reaches out and touches my arm pulling me out of the darkness of a bad dream.  The familiar touch of someone I have lain next to for 35 years is enough.  He knows to just touch me and I will come back to where I really am.  The warmth of his hand slows my heart and my breathing starts to follow his slow, relaxed pace.



...and I spend the rest of the night with the word ringing through my head...



...hospice.

1 comment:

D said...

Oh mother, I try and try to understand, feel and get what you are going through, and I then I think if that were you in her position and me in yours I don’t know how I would get through it. It’s like Grandma said, “it was you and her against the entire world”. All I can say is that it will be alright, we will get you and her through this next chapter in life. We will be a family for all eternity. Love you more.