In my...

..in box today was a letter from my cousin, Sheri.

......

My mother's baby brother, Fred (baby brother...that's really a funny way to think of him, because he towers over everyone with his 6' 6" frame), has a daughter, well, actually he has 3, and though I didn't live close to them, their dad kept my mom informed of their lives, so I heard of them often.




...so today, I found this lovely email from his daughter, Sheri, in my in box(I hope she doesn't mind me going public with a private letter, but it meant a lot to me, so I'm going to share it and apologize later, or now, sorry Sheri...)

.......

Hello Kaylee and all,

I am sorry for the loss of your mother.  There was a sweetness to your mother that was unforgettable.  I was so happy to read your blog and I felt such a connection to what you were experiencing with her.  I felt your feelings were beautiful and thoughtful.  Thank you for sharing such a deep and personal experience with us.  I don't think dying is ever really easy.  There are losses and pain along the way and I felt you really touch on the humanness of dying as well as the loving grace that surrounded your mother at the end (and always).

It made me weep and be grateful that as souls we are allowed to love so deeply and I think above all else your lovely blog held the truth of that love.  I appreciate it and genuinely, thank you.

I hope this time of loss you are surrounded and reminded of all the love that you have in your life.

I will be thinking of you and my family sends you love.

Sheri

P.S.  Mandala and I went to get groceries this morning and as we were cruising by the Deli, I felt compelled to buy a wonderful smelling piece of Fried Chicken and Mandala and I shared it as we finished our shopping.

"Here's to Aunt Maire."  I said to her as I took a bite.

""Yummy!" Mandala said as she chewed happily on her chicken.

Another generation who will always consider Fried Chicken and Potato Salad as comfort food.

..................

...when I read her email, I was struck by the phrase...

It made me weep and be grateful that as souls we are allowed to love so deeply... 

...and it was just the perfect thing to get me through another hour, because I'm learning this is an hour by hour experience...

...and I've been thinking about this "soul" thing and how I believe we are really two beings in one, a spirit that gives us direction, thought and emotion and a body that gives us pleasure...i.e. eating chocolate and allows us to experience things, such as giving birth to our children...and then feel their little heads rest against our shoulder.

...and I've been thinking that my mother has become part of my very soul.  I have, in the past 24 hours, felt her physical presence.  I can't explain it, other than to say it feels like when you just know someone is watching you, you turn and look and sure enough, there they are.  I'm not saying I have seen her, but I have felt a physical presence, a warm blanket around my heart that has kept the chill of loneliness at bay, a physical warmth that has hugged my very soul.

...and there has been a spiritual presence as well.   I have felt an emotional strength that I didn't expect.  My friends say that is normal, but eventually it will hit me.  I know.  I understand.  Eventually this is really going to hit the fan.

...but maybe the Lord in His tender mercy has provided a protection during the dark hours that He knew we would need.  He above all knows what we need.

I know my cousin, Sheri, is a busy mother of a little toddler.  I know she hasn't had a lot of contact with me during my life...




...but I was grateful for her letter...




...in my in box.